For all of AI’s prowess, there’s a comforting reassurance that human complexity will keep us stuck working with our human selves for at at least the near future. So the question still remains until then, how can we get better at working together?
Failures, whether it’s failing to meet deadlines, confusion on objectives, or just people being people—are in my experience, very rarely about not having the right skills or talent. The core cause almost always leads back to a fundamental disconnect in how a team communicates and trusts. It’s rarely the actual work that trips us up; rather, it’s the challenge of harmonizing our efforts, of truly operating as a unified team that becomes the stumbling block.
How lack of trust manifests
This lack of trust within teams can manifest in in many ways but the results seem to land us in a similar place. For example…
- Design teams design without full knowledge of engineering capabilities, leading to tension when designs aren’t executed as expected.
- Engineers feel overlooked when they aren’t included in decisions that directly impact them causing resentment towards the design team.
- Project managers strictly avoid scope creep without considering how scope might be adjusted improve the end result and still be within scope.
- Account managers say yes to everything, setting unrealistic expectations and straining the team.
These challenges are intensified for remote teams where work is not only across functions but across timezones, cultures and even languages.
If successful teams are built on trust how can we start build trust better and faster?
Can we speed up trust building?
Trust is built over time but when we don’t a have a lot of it, I wondered if there was some way to accelerate the process.
A little while ago I hit up some people I’ve worked with over the years who I’d put into the category of “people I like and would work with again in a heartbeat”. I wanted to ask them if they felt the same about working with me, why is their reason? Here were some of the responses…
- “I know you’ll let me know if something is wrong and if you need my help.”
- “I know I can just call you when I’m stuck and we’ll figure it out together.”
- “I know you’ll push back on the client so I don’t have worry about that part.”
- “I know I can ask you for help anytime”
- “I know you’ll tell me if it sucks”
It was quite obvious that “knowing” something about me that jives with something they know about themselves is an important factor here.
Which leads us to… your MOM
Ok not your actual Mom, but your “Manual of me” a personal playbook created by “you” that outlines how you work best. It’s a document filled with key insights ranging from simple logistics like timezone and work hours to deeper insight about your work style.
Imagine a situation from the past where looking back now, knowing some kind of detail about that person would have helped a lot. Some examples I can think of would include…
- Sam is most productive during the AM hours of the day.
- Tova lives on the east coast but prefers working on PST time.
- Marc only started learning English 2 years ago.
- Rachel has to be offline from 2-4 pm every afternoon to pick up her son.
Would knowing early on what you know about a person now have helped you in any way? I doubt many would say no. These are simple examples but knowing what we can upfront goes a long way to removing the guesswork and unnecessary stress that comes with not knowing freeing up time and energy for more important stuff.
How it works and does what AI can’t
While on the surface it seems like a simple Q&A, it can produce a lot of complex feelings that come along with challenging ourselves to improve. In three areas in particular, I think the MOM exercise is subtly transformative for teams.
Promotes understanding each other on purpose
- Ditches the guessing game, intentionally paving the way for clear, open lines of communication.
- Sets the stage for sharing how we work best, our quirks, and our needs—making teamwork feel like a well-orchestrated symphony.
- It’s like a team playbook; everyone knows the plays and how to support each other for the win.
Boosts self-awareness
- Acts as a mirror, encouraging us to reflect on our working style, strengths, and areas where we can grow.
- Sharpens our understanding of what we need to thrive, what we expect from our team, and, crucially, what we demand from ourselves.
- It’s not just navel-gazing; it’s about building a solid foundation of accountability and personal excellence.
Values vulnerability
- Invites us to lower our guards and share not just our highlight reel but also our bloopers and outtakes.
- Creates a space where it’s okay to admit we don’t have all the answers, making it easier for the team to rally and support each other.
- It’s about turning our vulnerabilities into our superpowers, enabling us to work smarter, not harder, by playing to each other’s strengths.
“I really love crafting the story of a presentation but I assumed Sam wanted to own it so I was always afraid of stepping on her toes. One night (while we were on a call at 1am preparing for a pitch) she let it slip that she hated this part. For so long I was worried about stepping on her toes but one it was all out in the open we can just focus on what we’re both good at – it was such a huge relief!”
How to use the MOM with your team
Here are some steps on how to start using the MOM with your team.
- Personalize the questions
- Grab the template linked below, and tweak the sample questions or add your own to fit your team’s unique vibe. There’s also some sample email text if it’s faster to get everyone into a meet.
- Grab the template linked below, and tweak the sample questions or add your own to fit your team’s unique vibe. There’s also some sample email text if it’s faster to get everyone into a meet.
- Lead by example
- Roll up your sleeves and fill it out for yourself. It’s the perfect way to test-drive the questions and show you’re all in.
- Roll up your sleeves and fill it out for yourself. It’s the perfect way to test-drive the questions and show you’re all in.
- Introduce it to your team
- At your next team huddle, introduce the MOM concept and share your completed version to spark inspiration.
- At your next team huddle, introduce the MOM concept and share your completed version to spark inspiration.
- Share often
- As much as possible, invite your team to share their MOMs in person.
- If there’s no time for a dedicated meeting, set aside 10 minutes at the end of other calls to have one person share their MOM. Not only a great way to keep people engaged, you might also notice some patterns after a few shares that can be used as catalysts for team connection.
- Update and evolve
- Keep the conversation open for suggestions on making the MOM even better, and encourage periodic updates as everyone grows and learns more about themselves.
You own your MOM
One of the best things about the manual of me is that it’s YOURS to keep and to share with anyone. Even if you leave your current work or move onto a new project, having already created it you’re ready to share it and introduce it to people who would also like to find a better way to build trustful relationships that can focus on doing great work.
Where AI can help
While your MOM is one thing that AI can’t write for you, it can certainly suggest relevant questions you might not have considered, offer tailored advice on how to articulate your work preferences and needs more clearly, and even help you identify and articulate your unique strengths and growth areas by analyzing your responses.
APPITY SNACKS 